It’s been said that comparison is the thief of joy.

I’ve realized it’s also the thief of what could be.

I recently went to NYC for the US Open and have been back a few times since. Each time, I’ve noticed that “New York is not the same.” I lived there, raised kids there, built a church there, and loved every moment of living in that city.

But after being away and returning, nothing feels the way it used to. So, the question arises: has NYC changed, or have I changed? If it’s the latter—which I believe is absolutely true—then why would I even expect or want it to feel the same? I’m different! It should be different. Realizing this helped me embrace a fresh experience in NYC and create new memories that feel alive and meaningful in this season of my life.

This realization parallels my new life and my new marriage. My husband and I made the decision not to try to “save” our last marriage. There was too much pain, too much heartache—too far gone. Instead, we chose to start a new marriage with the same person (and that’s the key factor!). By doing so, we freed ourselves from constantly comparing our present to what was. We made space to embrace what is—both the good and the bad—for exactly what it is.

If you’ve ever struggled to start something new while juggling old memories, comparisons, or internal narratives, I think this perspective could help. Letting go of what was can set you free to fully enjoy what is and what is becoming. Especially if you’ve endured heartbreak in marriage, recognizing that things will never be the same isn’t necessarily a bad thing—it can actually be a profound blessing and a momentum builder.

Here are some things I’ve realized will never be the same. Accepting that truth has brought me incredible freedom…

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